Man Uncivilized – Three things every man can own today to radically transform his life.
Ownership. The root of the word comes from the Latin for “own your shit.” Ok, I made that up, but it fits.
Ownership is the great turning point in your life if things are out of alignment in any and every area. Ownership is not civilized, it’s not the norm, it’s not what you see on display in your offices and on the news, is it?
Yet it’s the key to the kingdom in all realms. If you want to change your life, to grow, and to prosper, ownership is not only the starting point, it’s a daily practice.
Here are three areas where men can claim immediate ownership and see a massive transformation in our daily lives.
Own Your Power
Take a look around, where ever you may find yourself in this moment – look at everything around you. I’m writing this from Brooklyn, New York and am surrounded by massive skyscrapers.
For the most part, men built those buildings.
Men designed them. Men constructed them with their own hands. Men forged the steel, hammered the nails, and erected the structures. Powerful men.
Men just like you.
We as a species are capable of extraordinary feats. We as a species are capable of the same in our personal, professional, and familial lives.
In 2017, it’s not popular to embrace our power. We are being asked to apologize on a daily basis for the acts of our brothers, our fathers, and our president. And not without good reason.
The acts we are held to blame for, some from men who have not embraced their power fully, and are therefore destined to express the shadow side of it.
Own it. Own that you are strong. If you don’t feel strong, own that there is strength in you that needs to come out, that wants to come out, that has to be cultivated. Has to.
Own the potential that was gifted to you at birth. And own the responsibility that comes with it.
Own that the strong must protect the less strong, provide for those who cannot do so for themselves, and lead silently by example or out front and out loud.
There is a vacuum in America right now, begging for men just like you to step into a leadership position. But before you do, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re intentions are true.
Own Your Wounds
Sorry brother, you are not perfect. Neither am I. Neither is the man next to you.
I’ve battled with addiction, codependence, financial immaturity, integrity issues, you name it. None of them could be addressed though until I owned them, admitted they were mine — and here’s the kicker —I started addressing the hurts that were underneath them.
Owning your wounds means you’re willing to look back at your life and see where your unskillful behavior is stemming from. That in itself implies you’re first willing to address the fact you have unskilful behavior…(don’t worry, we all do)
Do you have issues around trust and intimacy? (raises hand) Ask yourself where in your life this pattern first began. Were you adopted, have a parent or guardian that left your life unexpectedly? Were you betrayed?
Owning our wounds doesn’t mean they’re our fault, quite the contrary. It’s saying we recognize that we’re doing fucked up things to both ourselves and the people around us because of a deep core injury and we want both the acting out to stop and the injury itself to get some long overdue healing.
Take a deep breath and own your power before reading this next line…
Owning your wounds also most likely means you need to see a professional to get you there in the fastest most expedient manner. Before you stop reading and say something like, “Fuck that shit man, I don’t need no stupid therapy” ask yourself who’s instructed you in your life.
Have you had a guitar teacher? A football coach? A jiujitsu instructor?
Before you learned to wrestle did you say, “Fuck that shit man, I don’t need no stupid wrestling coach, I’ll just figure it out.”
If you did, dare I say the average high school sophomore on any decent wrestling team can pin your ass in under 30 seconds.
Get yourself the help you need. Own your shit. And stop acting out in ways that harm your world, your kid’s world, and your loved one’s world.
Own Your Dick
Shame and sexuality go together like peanut butter and jelly. Yet sexual freedom equals power beyond anything you’ve ever experienced. Both in the bedroom and outside of it.
Own your sexuality. Both the light and the dark sides of it.
First and foremost, you don’t have to apologize for liking sex, for enjoying sex, for finding women, men, people who identify as both or either, or however things are going these days (basically anyone of legal age) attractive.
The day people stop fucking the whole world collapses, so you have my full permission to own the fact you want in on it. Own it.
Sexual energy is the single strongest force on the planet, especially now that most of us aren’t living in a state of base level survival. That should peak your interest into how you’re using it, and if you’re doing so skillfully or otherwise.
Secondly, own what you like – without shame. If you love putting on a diaper and having large breasted women bottle feed you – get after it, my man. Own that shit. This doesn’t mean you have to change your FaceBook picture and start proclaiming your love of this dynamic – unless of course – you want to.
It does mean having an honest conversation with whoever you are engaging with sexually and relationally.
I believe all expression, especially sexual expression NEEDS to come out. Otherwise, it will find a crack in your life and grow out of it like a weed in a driveway. Suppressed expression leads to addiction, illness, or misery as it eats you alive. In the case of sexual energy, suppression simply doesn’t work – it’ll find a way out.
How many staunch anti-gay politicians or preachers have to get caught in hotel rooms with (gasp) beautiful young men before it becomes clear that people need to be who they are at their deepest level. How many affairs have taken place because one partner wasn’t getting their needs met in the bedroom?
This doesn’t need to extend into the taboo to be true, either. If you want to have sex in more than one position, with the lights on, and you haven’t told your partner this – I guarantee you’ll either seek it out elsewhere, find it in porn (stay tuned for an article on that soon), or start to resent your relationship for “other” reasons.
Own your dick. Own what you want done with it and what you want to do with it – without shame.
The flip side, of course, is to own its shadow. Are you engaging in risky, unkind, or manipulative behavior on your dick’s behalf?
Are you looking at porn more often than you’re interacting with real humans? Do you have an active sex life but no sense of community or partnership?
Is your dick one piece of a larger understanding and expression of intimacy or a stress reliever you simply create friction and release with?
When a man understands and has control over his sexual energy there is nothing more powerful in his life. He is both strength and calm, potential and actualization, shiva and shakti.
When you own your dick, every area of your life changes.
The Key to Ownership
Ownership takes work gents, it takes energy. It takes being willing to stop, take a deep breath, and do some honest introspection. It takes a bit of taking stock.
Mostly it takes honesty. Honestly tucking your ego to the side and looking at your life with fresh eyes. Where do you hurt? That pain is your guide. That pain is letting you know where you need to do work.
If you feel pain around how you look and feel in your body, get your ass into a gym. Then, never apologize to anyone for being strong.
If you feel pain around your habits or compulsions, get your ass in front of a professional or a trusted friend. Then courageously walk down whatever path of healing you need to.
If you feel pain around your sexuality and how you’re expressing it, start being honest and vulnerable with yourself and your partner, that juice is truly worth the risk of the squeeze.
If you feel pain in any of these areas and want assistance from me, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be happy to chat with you and get your on the path to owning your life in ways you always knew were possible but somehow seemed elusive.
Here’s to being uncivilized.
Here’s to being a man.